


Demons in the Dark

by the_scarlet_01



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23233036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_scarlet_01/pseuds/the_scarlet_01
Summary: Based on the tumblr prompt: After the tsunami and lawsuit Buck is having debilitating nightmares and panic attacks. He wants to talk to someone but remembers how Eddie said he only thinks about himself and to get over his problems. So he keeps them to himself because he doesn't want to burden anyone. The panic attacks get so bad that he starts distancing himself from everyone. The team doesn't know what's going on until Buck has a panic attack on a call or has a nightmare at the station.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 690
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Demons in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I know they have worked all this out on the show for the most part, but I'm still working through prompts. Hope you like it.

Buck dreaded the shift. He had considered calling into work. He was set to work a 24-hour shift. This meant that he would have to sleep in the bunk room. He would have to sleep. He was not ready. To make it worse his dread meant he got next to no sleep the night before. 

"You look like shit," Eddie pointed out as Buck dragged himself into the locker room.

"Have too much fun at the bar last night or something?" Chim asked as he closed his locker. 

"Or something," Buck mumbled.

"Kind of stupid to show up to a long shift hungover," Eddie said. 

Buck sighed. He didn't even bother correcting them. He just tuned them out and changed into his uniform. 

He flinched when a hand came down on his shoulder. "Whoa, easy Buck." Chimney held his hands up. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Buck grumbled. 

Buck was on edge through the daylight hours of his shift. It was like a dark cloud followed him and most of the team had started to notice. No one mentioned it because Buck was managing to get his job done despite an ever-present frown and constantly stifling yawns. They just gave him a bit of extra space. As the sun set, and the evening hour passed, Buck became more anxious. He managed to come up with some sort of a plan, or rather a way to avoid actually having to sleep. 

Buck waited until he was sure the others were asleep before he quietly got up and made his way out of the bunk room. They’d sleep better without him. He made his way to the kitchen and made some coffee. He knew Bobby wouldn’t be happy with him, but it was for the best. He waited until the coffee was done, he filled a mug and went and took a seat on one of the couches. 

Buck woke up with a gasp when someone shook his shoulder. 

“Easy, man.” Eddie took a step back. “What are you doing out here?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Buck said with a shrug. Eddie’s gaze narrowed as he looked Buck over. 

“Did you even try?” Eddie asked. He didn’t get an answer. He was just about to question Buck further when the alarm went off.

When they got back from the call Buck went straight to the locker room and changed before going to the makeshift gym. 

“What is going on with you?” Eddie asked as he walked up.

“I’m fine,” Buck said. 

“Right so dark circles under your eyes, guzzling coffee, and falling asleep on the couch is your normal? Since when?” Buck didn’t answer. So Eddie continued, "And this silent treatment, this payback for me being a dick when you came back after the suit?”’

“Not really,” Buck said with a shrug but didn’t elaborate.

“Then what is it?” Eddie asked. Buck sighed and set the weights he was working with down. 

“It’s nothing,” Buck told him. “That’s what it is.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing,” Eddie shook his head.

“Yet, it is,” Buck stated as he walked past Eddie and headed toward the showers. 

“Something’s wrong with Buck,” Eddie said after Bobby waved him into his office.

“He looked pretty worn out when he got here,” Bobby said.

“Yet he refuses to sleep,” Eddie said.

“Why do you say that?” Bobby questioned.

“Because I woke up a bit before the call and found him in the loft. He had a cup of coffee and had fallen asleep on the couch. Instead of sleeping now, like a bunch of the others, he hit the gym. He’d still be there if I hadn’t tried to get him to talk.”

“What did he say?” 

“He said he was fine, and that nothing was wrong.”

“But he isn’t,” Bobby stated.

After changing back into his uniform Buck found Bobby waiting for him. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Buck asked.

“Not that I know of,” Bobby said. “But I do think we need to talk.”

Buck sighed. “Eddie talked to you didn’t he?” 

“Eddie is concerned,” Bobby answered.

Buck sighed. “I’m fine.”

“Buck,” Bobby started to question him.

“Cap, I’m fine. I’ve been better, but I’ve been worse. So don’t worry. I’m handling it.” Buck said as he walked away.

  
  


Buck knew this night wasn't going to get easier. He knew there was no getting around sleeping now that both Bobby and Eddie were on his case. They would be watching him like a hawk. Neither of them would probably sleep if he didn't. So Buck headed to the bunk room. He’d sleep, they would probably all regret it, but he would.

Buck woke up covered in sweat and tangled in the sheets of his bunk. His heart pounding in his chest. He fought his way out of the sheets and bolted from the bunk room as fast as he could. His chest was tight, tears in his eyes. He needed to go. He needed to get away. He ran to the locker room. He slid down the wall until he was sitting on the cold floor. His mind was still playing the images from the nightmare in his mind. The crushing waves, his sirens, the throbbing pain in his leg, but nothing more haunting than his many failures. He pulled his knees to his chest as he struggled to breathe. He hated how his nightmares always chased him into reality and sent him spiraling into panic attacks. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He slapped the hand away and tried to put as much distance between him and whoever touched him. He could hear them shouting but all Buck could think about was waves, fire, and blood. He felt hands on him as his head was lifted up and a fuzzy figure came into his line of sight. Something about the figure brought a sob out of him, but he gripped the wrist of the hand on his cheek. Buck’s other hand was lifted to the figure’s chest. He managed to hear what they were saying.

“Come on, Buck, you have to breathe. Come on, breathe with me.” Buck realized the voice belonged to his best friend. His brain finally had registered that it was Eddie, now on the locker room floor with him, trying to calm him down. So Buck tried, he tried to do as Eddie told him. He tried to match his breathing with Eddie’s. After a few tries Buck seemed to be getting it and he could breathe better. He could focus better.

“You good?” Eddie asked when he could tell Buck was relatively calm. Buck nodded. “Okay,” Eddie said as he started to move, but Buck gripped his wrist tighter. “I’m still here,” Eddie said as he moved to sit beside his best friend on the floor. Buck leaned against Eddie’s shoulder in exhaustion. They sat like that for a bit. Eddie calling on a few of his dad tricks to try and help his best friend. He had put his arm around Buck’s shoulder and quietly reassured his shaking friend he was there and it was okay. 

“Sorry,” Buck said when he could finally manage to speak.

“Don’t be,” Eddie told him. “But you know what I’m going to ask.”

Buck groaned but nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

“What happened?” 

“Nightmare,” Buck answered. 

“A nightmare gave you a panic attack?” Eddie asked. Buck nodded. Eddie continued, “Does this happen a lot?” When he didn’t get an answer he shifted so he could get a better look at Buck. “Buck, how long has this been going on?”

“ A while,” Buck answered as he dropped his head against his knees. 

“Kind of a vague answer,” Eddie said, earning a shrug from the younger man. Eddie sighed moving his hand to the back of Buck’s neck. He could feel the tight muscles. Part of him had a feeling he knew how long it had been happening. “Since the tsunami?” He rubbed at the tense line of muscles in Buck’s shoulders. “Because you’re not the only one that got nightmares from that. Christopher did. Hell, I did and I wasn’t even with you guys.” He felt the muscles under his hand relax some. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie finally asked, regretting it when he felt the muscles go tense again and Buck started to pull away. Eddie's free hand moving to Buck’s arm to keep him close. 

“I’m fine,” Buck said. 

“You keep saying that, but you aren’t.” Eddie shook his head. “Buck, please just talk to me.”

“Why?” Buck stood up. 

“Because honestly, waking up to you bolting out of the bunk room and then finding you on the floor in a complete panic, kind of freaked me out,” Eddie admitted as he stood up. 

“I’m fine now,” Buck said.

“Stop saying that!” Eddie was starting to lose his patience. “You are not fine.”

“I’m doing what you told me!” Buck shouted, taking Eddie aback.

“What?” Eddie asked.

“You said to suck it up and move on,” Buck stated. “So I am.”

Eddie flinched at his own words being turned on him. “Buck, I didn’t-”

“It’s fine, I get it,” Buck said, opening his locker for a distraction. 

“No, Buck, I didn’t mean that I was just-”

“Mad?” Buck answered for him. “I know because everyone has problems and I make it all about me.”

“I was being a jackass,” Eddie said as he moved to stand beside Buck. 

“Your words,” Buck said. 

“I know, and that shit clearly worked out for me,” Eddie said. 

Buck snorted. “Yeah, well, I-”

“You’re not fine, Buck, and you’re killing me here. I don’t like not being able to help you.”

“Now who is making it about themselves?” Buck narrowed his gaze at him.

“Okay, I deserved that,” Eddie admitted. “I really do just want to help you.”

Buck sighed and closed his locker. “It’s mostly the tsunami, but sometimes I’m back, face down on the pavement under the truck, or worse. I mean I try not to think about it on every call. I just grab my gear and try not to flinch when we hit a bump or I hear running water or shouting." His voice cracked as he thought about Christopher crying out for him in the crushing current. 

“Worse than nearly dying, twice?” Eddie asked. Buck just stared at him until the gears clicked in Eddie’s brain. “Oh, you mean losing Christopher.” Buck nodded. It was Eddie’s turn to sigh. 

“I know, it wasn’t my fault, but I can’t control my dreams. My brain just jumps straight to failing and-” Buck started but was cut off as Eddie pulled him into a hug.

“You didn't fail. You never stopped trying,” Eddie stated. “You refused to leave him and when you didn’t have a choice you fought like hell to find him. His own mother couldn’t be bothered to stay when she was alive.”

“Eddie…” 

“No Buck, I’m serious. You do more for Christopher on a regular basis than his mother did for years, sure she came back, but that doesn’t change the fact that even if she was here, you are still the one I trust most with him. You would never intentionally hurt him. You put his safety above your own. You would have drowned or bled out before you stopped looking for him. You scared the hell out of me that night. Even after I had Chris back I was terrified. He was fine, but you. You were not. You would die for him. You almost did. What more could a dad ask for?”

“You really trust me that much?”

“I have been saying it this whole time. Yes, Buck. I trust you more than anyone else. End of sentence. More than myself at times.”

“Yeah, right.” Buck didn't believe that.

“I’m serious. I have made some really shitty decisions.”

“So have I.”

“No, what you did was try and get your job back, admittedly in a stupid way, but you did it to get back here, back to us. What I did was beyond stupid and well into reckless.”

“You’re still a good dad.”

Eddie chuckles. “You’re better.”

“I’m not-”

“You are, you’re his Buck. He asks to see you every day,” Eddie said. “He talks about what he’s going to tell you or what you guys should do next time he sees you. His little face lights up talking to Carla and Abuela about you. I swear, he’s more excited to talk about you, to see you, than he is me.” The father chuckles.

“Eddie…”

“It’s okay, Buck. Really, you’re an amazing dad. You see that right? You are so damn good with him. He adores you, and honestly, he’s not the only one.”

Buck blinks in shock. “What?”

“You are just so damn adorable,” Eddie shook his head and laughed. 

“Don’t be mean,” Buck frowned. “I’m too tired for this.”

“It would be mean if I was joking,” Eddie said. “Pout all you want, it only makes my point.” He grabs Buck’s hand and pulls him out of the locker room and towards the stairs. “But you’re right, you are too tired.” He led him up to the loft and sat down. He gestured for Buck to sit beside him. Buck hesitated for a moment but gave in and dropped down beside his best friend. Eddie put his arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his side. 

“Eddie, what are you-”

“Relax, okay, you’re worried about waking the team, well you won’t out here. You’re worried about nightmares, well I’ll be here so you’re not alone, okay? So sleep.”

“What about you?” Buck asked. 

Eddie shrugged. “I’m a dad, I’m used to not sleeping. I’ve still probably had more sleep than you recently. So, don’t worry about me. If I sleep, I sleep.”

“You don’t mind?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I did,” Eddie reassured him. “You need sleep, and if this helps then it works for me.”

“It might help.”

“Then I’m happy to be here.”

“Thanks, Eddie.”

“Anytime, Buck.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Feel free to send prompts on tumblr @sortofanobsession


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